we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
