Kiss
Puke
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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