He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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