I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
