So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pants are for mortals
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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