I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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