My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
