In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.