Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
