Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.