Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

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(419): View more from Ohio

Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(910): View more from North Carolina

A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.

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(408): View more from California

I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.

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