Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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