And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
