I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's get the cat blown out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
