woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
