I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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