Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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