Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just invented taco cereal.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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