dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
