Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
