i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
