So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
