White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
