All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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