yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
