dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
