We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What drink are we having for lunch?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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