They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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