could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
