I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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