And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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