I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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