well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
