I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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