fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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