in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
