Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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