walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
