You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
