It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
