I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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