Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
