I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
