I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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