it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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