You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
