community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
