I cannot find my penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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