I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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