I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
