i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
