You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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