i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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