He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
