he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
