You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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