Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
