This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize