Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
