It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
