I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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