My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
